This is a craigslist post I found......
Will do anything but not really (2 minutes walking from home)
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Date: 2010-12-01, 11:01PM EST
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Looking for any kind of work. MUST be a position that has authority and would need skills, though I don't have any. If you're looking for a man, I'll tell you later I'm a woman, and vice-versa. I wouldn't dare tell you my age, or give you a resume, because you could determine how old I am. I want you to have to see me walk in the door before you know that, even though your job requires someone who is either young enough to run 20 miles a day or old enough to handle irate clients. I need to be able to walk to work within 2 minutes because I don't know how to use public transportation, and I don't think saving up for a car or car-pooling should be my responsibility. 401K plan required. Health benefits should start day 1. 9-5 only. My daughter's situation requires me to be gone every other Wednesday. I know exactly what I want to do and will insist on doing it even though my unemployment has been cut off and my bills are piling up. I'll read an instruction manual, but that will be on-the-clock. This should be a fun post with lots of interesting girls to talk to. A job with international travel is great. I'm bi-lingual. I can speak Spanish, but I can't read or write it. If you want to know where I've worked before, you'll need to ask. If you want my phone number, I'm sorry. I haven't given that to anyone ANYONE since I left jail the last time. My previous employer was my brother-in-law. I have five children to feed. My spelin is reel gud. i punctuate and capitalize perfectly i have two years of experience and my ged and completed a course after that. I like to work jobs that last for a month or two so that I can be upwardly mobile. My rent is due, but your job sounds like too much work, and it's probably gross and beneath me. I don't touch people or money or animals or anything greasy. My horoscope says I could be a great financial planner. I'm the best person you've every employed. I need an advance after one day on the job.