Rick2
New member
I posted this on the Grime Scene about a month ago when I got back from Florida. Someone suggested I post it on the other sites I visit. I hope you enjoy how I felt about visiting Florida.
Or "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" By Rick2 Grade 6 Homeroom 110
After a visit with my doctor last month he told me I have been working toohard lately and I should really think about taking a little time off. This mademy wife very happy, my son happy, and me, well, not so happy. "But I'vegot roofs, houses and buildings lined up. I also have the dreaded 20 footgazebo and one of my hospitals. (Gotta be sure to wear my athletic cup so theladder standoffs don't get me again when I slits off the roof). Ican't take a vacation" Nobody listens to me, off we went to Florida to seeMicky and the Gang. Six year old Patrick was excited to finally meet the mousehe's only ever seen on the TV.
The new Chevy Malibu I opted for was a beautiful car waiting for us at theairport. A great car if you didn't have to put it in reverse. Putting it inreverse means you want to back up and backing up requires you to be able toactually see what's behind you. The Malibu makes this impossible with the reardeck blocking any chance of a view. Thinking I wasn't tall enough I tried toraise the electric seat up but couldn't figure it out during heavy traffic onI-4. With the AC on full blast it felt like my butt was on fire by the time wegot to the hotel. I relized I turned on the electric seat heater to the"Fry" setting while adjusting the seat. Electric seat heaters inFlorida? Why? I expected to see those BBQ griddle marks on my ass when I gotout of the shower. Driving the new Malibu in any forward gear is a littletricky too. The front windshield pillers are just wide enough so you can'treally see that bright yellow Peterbilt when your pulling out into traffic.Combine that with my wife's big head right in the way, all the time, naggingabout how I'm going too fast, too slow, don't miss the exit, AHHH watch out forthat big yellow truck!
Flordia heat is somwhat different from New England heat. I've got no problemat all working in 100, 105 degree heat, but in Florida, OMG! Nobody told meOrlando was located a half mile from the sun. I can't imagine donig a roof inthe Florida heat. Speaking of powerwashing in Florida; I have a habbit oflooking through the yellow pages when I'm visiting a new city just to see howmany powerwash companys are listed. I couldn't find a single phonebook so Igoogled it and found so many that I don't know how a customer could make adecision. Compare that to the Yellowpages in my city and you find, ummmm, hereit is...just one. It says "Pro-Power Powerwashing Residential andCommercial Concrete - Decks - Roofs and More. Since 1993 Fully Insured FreeEstimates" Maybe that's why the doctor says I need a vacation.
I noticed it rains everyday in Florida, everyday at the exact same time.Nice for doing roofs. As soon as you remove your asbestos suit and put away theladders the rain washes the roof clean. The rain also keeps the grass growingvery strong. The grass was like huge green nails waiting to suck the blood outof any tourist stupid enough to walk on it with bare feet. On the bright side asingle blade of grass could be used as a flatblade screwdriver to tighten ahose clamp on one of your Delavan pumps. Or you could use it as a shank tofight off a mugger. Lots of possibilties. I also noticed lots of tiny lizzardseverywhere but only little ones. I assume they accidently fall on a blade of grassbefore they reach adulthood.
Since we were a half mile from Seaworld we went there first. All differenttypes of seafood swimming around just waiting to be set before me. "Lookat that one, it's beautiful" my wife would say. "LOOK AT THAT ROOF! Ireplied. Don't they know how easy it would be to clean it? And thosesidewalks... haven't they ever heard of a surface cleaner here in Florida? Howmuch did we pay to get in this dump?"
The next few days were spent with solar flares exploding mere inches form myshaved head and spending truck loads of money visiting that egocentrical stupidmouse with a with a magic wand in his hand. Here's an idea, put a sodiumhypochlorite wand in his one hand, a surface cleaner in the other and send himover to Seaworld for a couple days. In no time he'll be slouched over the RikkiTikki Bar and Grill telling recycled stories of how he used to own this town.Freakin' mouse.
When I wasn't seeing the mouse everywhere I was almost seeing what I ate forlunch a few hours prior. Have you ever ridden a 4D ride? It's a ride with 3Dglasses but the ride moves every direction you can imagine. My six year oldloved it. I loved rides when I was a kid, I even worked at a six flags sellingburgers when I was a kid. Six flags even hired my company to powerwash andspraywax a waterslide. When they reopened the the waterslide after I wasfinished some kid went flying off the slide and onto the concrete belowbreaking a few bones. Maybe I used too much wax? Very true and funny story.
Seeing my impending vomit doom my ever thoughtful wife suggested we ridesomething slower, the teacups. Fine with me. Never had I'd been so happy aboutthe bulge in my pocket that had been bothering me all day. I'm talking about myCAMERA. I was thrilled because I got the once in a lifetime picture. We werewaiting for two women to get out a teacup that we chose to ride in. Two veryvery large fat women. The first Shamu actually got stuck while trying to exitthe teacup. She was there for 45 seconds lifting unknown parts of her fleshthrough the teacup's exit. All I had to do was to point the camera in hergeneral direction to capture a horrifying that would make Steven King cower infear.
The diversity of people are amazing in Orlando. I mean, I'm used to seeing ablack and white couple with a dark-skinned white baby, or a light skinned blackbaby. You know what I mean. In Orlando you can see a very white person with avery black person pushing a very Asian baby in a carrage. It's like someoneopened a bag of M and Ms, closed their eyes, and put them in groups of three orfour. I could see the foreigners from homogeneous lands staring at themwondering what kind of strange place they were visiting.
Florida isn't all about the proxmitiy of the sun, vomit or fat people stuckin teacups. I truly met some of the nicest people there. People would greet onthe street, hold a door for my family, and not carjack my rented Chevy. Truly awhole different class of people I'm used to in Massachusetts.
The last thing I'll mention about Florida is the cost of living... cheap. Wewere looking at the cost of condos for sale and I thought the first few ads Isaw were misprints. "Hey Honey, look at this condo for sale. I think theyleft off a zero on the pricetag. This one too (giggle giggle). And this one....hey they can't all be misprints." How can these places sell for 40thousand dollars?
To all my fellow powerwashers and roof cleaners in Florida, you live in abeautiful state. Except for the heat I loved every minute of it. In fact Imight have to get used to the heat; my wife and I are really thinking aboutbuying one of those condos as a little vacation spot.
Or "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" By Rick2 Grade 6 Homeroom 110
After a visit with my doctor last month he told me I have been working toohard lately and I should really think about taking a little time off. This mademy wife very happy, my son happy, and me, well, not so happy. "But I'vegot roofs, houses and buildings lined up. I also have the dreaded 20 footgazebo and one of my hospitals. (Gotta be sure to wear my athletic cup so theladder standoffs don't get me again when I slits off the roof). Ican't take a vacation" Nobody listens to me, off we went to Florida to seeMicky and the Gang. Six year old Patrick was excited to finally meet the mousehe's only ever seen on the TV.
The new Chevy Malibu I opted for was a beautiful car waiting for us at theairport. A great car if you didn't have to put it in reverse. Putting it inreverse means you want to back up and backing up requires you to be able toactually see what's behind you. The Malibu makes this impossible with the reardeck blocking any chance of a view. Thinking I wasn't tall enough I tried toraise the electric seat up but couldn't figure it out during heavy traffic onI-4. With the AC on full blast it felt like my butt was on fire by the time wegot to the hotel. I relized I turned on the electric seat heater to the"Fry" setting while adjusting the seat. Electric seat heaters inFlorida? Why? I expected to see those BBQ griddle marks on my ass when I gotout of the shower. Driving the new Malibu in any forward gear is a littletricky too. The front windshield pillers are just wide enough so you can'treally see that bright yellow Peterbilt when your pulling out into traffic.Combine that with my wife's big head right in the way, all the time, naggingabout how I'm going too fast, too slow, don't miss the exit, AHHH watch out forthat big yellow truck!
Flordia heat is somwhat different from New England heat. I've got no problemat all working in 100, 105 degree heat, but in Florida, OMG! Nobody told meOrlando was located a half mile from the sun. I can't imagine donig a roof inthe Florida heat. Speaking of powerwashing in Florida; I have a habbit oflooking through the yellow pages when I'm visiting a new city just to see howmany powerwash companys are listed. I couldn't find a single phonebook so Igoogled it and found so many that I don't know how a customer could make adecision. Compare that to the Yellowpages in my city and you find, ummmm, hereit is...just one. It says "Pro-Power Powerwashing Residential andCommercial Concrete - Decks - Roofs and More. Since 1993 Fully Insured FreeEstimates" Maybe that's why the doctor says I need a vacation.
I noticed it rains everyday in Florida, everyday at the exact same time.Nice for doing roofs. As soon as you remove your asbestos suit and put away theladders the rain washes the roof clean. The rain also keeps the grass growingvery strong. The grass was like huge green nails waiting to suck the blood outof any tourist stupid enough to walk on it with bare feet. On the bright side asingle blade of grass could be used as a flatblade screwdriver to tighten ahose clamp on one of your Delavan pumps. Or you could use it as a shank tofight off a mugger. Lots of possibilties. I also noticed lots of tiny lizzardseverywhere but only little ones. I assume they accidently fall on a blade of grassbefore they reach adulthood.
Since we were a half mile from Seaworld we went there first. All differenttypes of seafood swimming around just waiting to be set before me. "Lookat that one, it's beautiful" my wife would say. "LOOK AT THAT ROOF! Ireplied. Don't they know how easy it would be to clean it? And thosesidewalks... haven't they ever heard of a surface cleaner here in Florida? Howmuch did we pay to get in this dump?"
The next few days were spent with solar flares exploding mere inches form myshaved head and spending truck loads of money visiting that egocentrical stupidmouse with a with a magic wand in his hand. Here's an idea, put a sodiumhypochlorite wand in his one hand, a surface cleaner in the other and send himover to Seaworld for a couple days. In no time he'll be slouched over the RikkiTikki Bar and Grill telling recycled stories of how he used to own this town.Freakin' mouse.
When I wasn't seeing the mouse everywhere I was almost seeing what I ate forlunch a few hours prior. Have you ever ridden a 4D ride? It's a ride with 3Dglasses but the ride moves every direction you can imagine. My six year oldloved it. I loved rides when I was a kid, I even worked at a six flags sellingburgers when I was a kid. Six flags even hired my company to powerwash andspraywax a waterslide. When they reopened the the waterslide after I wasfinished some kid went flying off the slide and onto the concrete belowbreaking a few bones. Maybe I used too much wax? Very true and funny story.
Seeing my impending vomit doom my ever thoughtful wife suggested we ridesomething slower, the teacups. Fine with me. Never had I'd been so happy aboutthe bulge in my pocket that had been bothering me all day. I'm talking about myCAMERA. I was thrilled because I got the once in a lifetime picture. We werewaiting for two women to get out a teacup that we chose to ride in. Two veryvery large fat women. The first Shamu actually got stuck while trying to exitthe teacup. She was there for 45 seconds lifting unknown parts of her fleshthrough the teacup's exit. All I had to do was to point the camera in hergeneral direction to capture a horrifying that would make Steven King cower infear.
The diversity of people are amazing in Orlando. I mean, I'm used to seeing ablack and white couple with a dark-skinned white baby, or a light skinned blackbaby. You know what I mean. In Orlando you can see a very white person with avery black person pushing a very Asian baby in a carrage. It's like someoneopened a bag of M and Ms, closed their eyes, and put them in groups of three orfour. I could see the foreigners from homogeneous lands staring at themwondering what kind of strange place they were visiting.
Florida isn't all about the proxmitiy of the sun, vomit or fat people stuckin teacups. I truly met some of the nicest people there. People would greet onthe street, hold a door for my family, and not carjack my rented Chevy. Truly awhole different class of people I'm used to in Massachusetts.
The last thing I'll mention about Florida is the cost of living... cheap. Wewere looking at the cost of condos for sale and I thought the first few ads Isaw were misprints. "Hey Honey, look at this condo for sale. I think theyleft off a zero on the pricetag. This one too (giggle giggle). And this one....hey they can't all be misprints." How can these places sell for 40thousand dollars?
To all my fellow powerwashers and roof cleaners in Florida, you live in abeautiful state. Except for the heat I loved every minute of it. In fact Imight have to get used to the heat; my wife and I are really thinking aboutbuying one of those condos as a little vacation spot.
