Redneck Humor!!

The Cleaner

The Cleaner

Vetran Washer 30 Years Plus
Subject: Marriage counseling.............



A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist! got up , walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced her full-body, looked longingly into her eyes, and kissed her passionately on the lips and face as her husba nd watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'

The husband thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Thursdays, I fish.'
 
They must be from Alabama!!
 
Good one Nick. LMAO :)
 
cajun cleanin said:
Redneck call up 911 and tells them his house is on fire come quick.911 operator says you need to tell me how to get there.Redneck pauses a second and says don't you still have the big red trucks.
Click to expand...
lmao:D :D
 
[FONT=Informa SSi, Creme SSi, Arial, Times New Roman]Redneck Medical Terms[/FONT]​

[FONT=Informa SSi, Creme SSi, Arial, Times New Roman]<TABLE width="75%"><TBODY><TR><TD align=left>Artery</TD><TD align=left>The study of paintings.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Bacteria</TD><TD align=left>Back door to cafeteria.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Barium</TD><TD align=left>What doctors do when patients die.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Benign</TD><TD align=left>What you be after you be eight.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Catscan</TD><TD align=left>Searching for Kitty.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Cauterize</TD><TD align=left>Made eye contact with her.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Cesarean Section</TD><TD align=left>A neighborhood in Rome.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Colic</TD><TD align=left>A sheep dog.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Coma</TD><TD align=left>A punctuation mark.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>D&C</TD><TD align=left>Where Washington is.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Dilate</TD><TD align=left>To live long.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Enema</TD><TD align=left>Not a friend.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Fester</TD><TD align=left>Quicker than someone else.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Fibula</TD><TD align=left>A small lie.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Genital</TD><TD align=left>Non-Jewish person.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>G.I.Series</TD><TD align=left>World Series of military baseball.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Hangnail</TD><TD align=left>What you hang your coat on.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Impotent</TD><TD align=left>Distinguished, well known.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Labor Pain</TD><TD align=left>Getting hurt at work.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Medical Staff</TD><TD align=left>A Doctor's cane.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Morbid</TD><TD align=left>A higher offer than I bid.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Nitrates</TD><TD align=left>Cheaper than day rates.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Node</TD><TD align=left>I knew it.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Outpatient</TD><TD align=left>A person who has fainted.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Ovaries</TD><TD align=left>You get to try again. (from wj1001250)</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Pap Smear</TD><TD align=left>A fatherhood test.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Pelvis</TD><TD align=left>Second cousin to Elvis.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Post Operative</TD><TD align=left>A letter carrier.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Recovery Room</TD><TD align=left>Place to do upholstery.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Rectum</TD><TD align=left>Pretty near killed him.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Secretion</TD><TD align=left>Hiding something.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Seizure</TD><TD align=left>Roman emperor.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Tablet</TD><TD align=left>A small table.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Terminal Illness</TD><TD align=left>Getting sick at the airport.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Tumor</TD><TD align=left>More than one.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Urine</TD><TD align=left>Opposite of you're out.</TD></TR><TR><TD align=left>Varicose</TD><TD align=left>Near by/close by.</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>[/FONT]
 
A farmer walks into the house from outside carrying a sheep under his arm. His wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner when the husband says this is the pig I've been screwing. The wife says that's no pig it's a sheep. The farmer replies "I wasn't talking to you".
 
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