News paper headlines

jjones4574

jjones4574

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Now what were they thinking? Or maybe they weren't thinking!


Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter



This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.




I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.



Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says



No, really? Ya think?



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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers



Now that's taking things a bit far!



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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over



What a guy!



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Miners Refuse to Work after Death



No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!



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J uvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant



See if that works any better than a fair trial!



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War Dims Hope for Peace



I can see where it might have that effect!



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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile



&n bsp; Ya think?!



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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures



Who would have thought!



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Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide



They may be on to something!



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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges



You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? Oklahoma's new construction program!



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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge



He probably IS the battery charge!



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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group



Weren't they fat enough?!



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Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft



That's what he gets for eating those beans!



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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks



Do they taste like chicken?****************************************



Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half



Chainsaw Massacre all over again!



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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors



Boy, are they tall!



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And the winner is....



Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead



Did I read that right?
 
The funny part is they have DEGREES! WOW! like we said in the Marine Corps as a jet mechanics... It takes a degree to break it, and a diploma to fix it!
 
Here are some "actual maintenance complaints" submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. (P) = problem; (S) = solution.



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(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

(P) #2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
(S) #2 propeller seepage normal - #1, #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.

(P) Something loose in cockpit.
(S) Something tightened in cockpit.

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
(S) Evidence removed.

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield.
(S) Live bugs on order.

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on the ground.

(P) IFF inoperative.
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
(S) That's what they are there for.

(P) Number three engine missing.
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.

(P) Aircraft handles funny.
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious.

(P) Target radar hums.
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.
 
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