Little HAHA for the Holidays

Nichole

Nichole

Ms Awesome
I am going through my old emails and coming across some real gems!
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[FONT=&quot]
WHY YOU NEVER ASK A DRUNK PERSON A QUESTION[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]I was shopping at the local supermarket where I[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]selected:[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]A half-gallon of 2% milk,[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]A carton of eggs,[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]A quart of orange juice,[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]A head of romaine lettuce,[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]A 2 lb. can of coffee, and[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]A 1 lb. package of bacon.[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]to check[/FONT][FONT=&quot]out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]placed the[/FONT][FONT=&quot]items in front of the cashier. While the cashier[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]was[/FONT][FONT=&quot]ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]stated, 'You[/FONT][FONT=&quot]must be single.'[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]was[/FONT][FONT=&quot]intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]was[/FONT][FONT=&quot]indeed single. I looked at the six items on the[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]belt and[/FONT][FONT=&quot]saw nothing particularly unusual about my[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]selections that[/FONT][FONT=&quot]could have tipped off the drunk to my marital[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]status.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Curiosity getting the better of me, I said:[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]'Well, you[/FONT] [FONT=&quot]k[/FONT][FONT=&quot]now what, you're absolutely right. But how on[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]earth[/FONT][FONT=&quot]did you know that?'


[/FONT]​
[FONT=&quot]The drunk replied, [FONT=&quot]'Cause you're ugly.'[/FONT][/FONT]
 
[FONT=&quot]One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the [/FONT] </pre>
[FONT=&quot] church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American [/FONT] </pre>
[FONT=&quot] flags mounted on either side of it. [/FONT]</pre>
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]</pre>
[FONT=&quot]The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, [/FONT] </pre>
[FONT=&quot] so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.' [/FONT]</pre>

[FONT=&quot]'Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Pastor, what is this?'



[/FONT]</pre>
[FONT=&quot]The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who [/FONT] </pre>
[FONT=&quot] died in the service.' Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. [/FONT]</pre>
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]</pre>
[FONT=&quot]Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, [/FONT] </pre>
[FONT=&quot] 'Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?'[/FONT]</pre>
 
6 Truths of Life

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.

3. And discover that The first truth is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.

5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.

I apologize about this .I'm an idiot and I needed company ...
 
[FONT=&quot]Little Red Riding Hood is skipping thru the forest road when she sees[/FONT][FONT=&quot]the big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]'My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf.' [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]The wolf jumps up and runs away.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]and this time he is crouched behind a bush.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]'My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf.' [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]About 1/4 mile down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf[/FONT][FONT=&quot]again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]'My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf.'[/FONT] [FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]With that the wolf jumps up and screams, 'Will you knock it off,[/FONT][FONT=&quot]I'm trying to poop!'[/FONT]
 
DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was
having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she
said,'Daddy, look at this' , and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny
fingers in my mouth and said,
'Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,'
pretending to eat them.

I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on
the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, 'What's wrong, honey?'

She replied,

'What happened to my BOOGER?'
 
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