Laugh or I'll Beat You 'Til You Cry!

P

Paul B.

Member
The Lottery.


A redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The redneck says, "I want my $20 million."

The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

The redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my
money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"


Regards,
Paul B. (Mean Papa - Blues Meister)
 
I'm insulted at your use of the term "Redneck".
Stop, stop, stop ....or else.


Regards,
Paul B.
 
I'm not gonna stop, and you can't make me.

Regards,
Paul B.
 
Can't! ....My conscience won't let me!
 
You can also use Butthead and Douchebag.... ;) Ooooops! Guess not... lol
 
Looks like we're going to have to start a new mental health forum for Paul........... ;)
 
I just received this email from a friend today. Hope it makes you laugh, I did!:D

Dave Olson

I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a damn motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil necked nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!! So I called him horseshit. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!! This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, and the more tickets he wrote. I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner...
 
Looks like us rednecks havn't been feeding you flatland lizards enough brain food,instead of sticking ya tongue out try licking it before naming it.
 
Elevator to Success.

Mike,
I do get carried away sometimes (literally) ....other times I can clear a room in minutes.
Take for example the other day: I was running late to an appointment on the 48th floor of the Carew Tower. It's the busiest time of the morning, with long lines at the elevators, people pushing, people shoving, people sneezing, people coughing and hacking. Now I don't care much for crowds or elevators, but a crowded elevator gives me the hee-bee gee-bees (or is it bee-gees). I'm wondering what kind of a disease I'm going to get. A disease and I'm also gonna be all sweaty by the time I get to my appointment. This elevator will stop at least 47 times. I really don't want to lose this $500K a year cleaning job to some low-baller that doesn't sweat, can talk people out of elevators and can run 48 floors without messing up a single follicle of his three tone hair.

I start debating with myself: Should I try to talk to the crowd now and maybe they'll let me ride the elevator by myself? No, that's not a good idea, I'm not that good with a crowd (we all agree it'll never work). Should I run up the stairs to the 48th floor? No, at my age and in my condition, I'll have a heart attack before reaching the 4th floor (I just don't want to make it that easy for the scum sucking low-baller.) Maybe I can pass gas and clear the area? Naw, that won't work either. I didn't have my morning milk and besides these people look like vicious blood sucking office workers - they may even mob us or have us arrested.

After all this, I resign myself to just ride it out and see if I can get this job on plain old skills: low baller or not (we all agree that's the best approach).


It's now time for a word from our sponsor:

"At Genesis Pressure Cleaning Ltd. we treat you like royalty.
We'll clean your bricks, and stuff....
You'll never have to lift a finger (except to write us the check).
Our prices are competitive and with us safety is first.
Our motto is: Safety First and Make IT Last!
We have other great mottos - you can hear all of them when you call for your free estimate.

So hurry, and call NOW: "1-800-GEN-ESIS"
 
Somewhere someone must have done that parking ticket thing to someone before.... bad karma. Bad karma.

Beth
 
Elevator To Success.

Welcome back to our regular programming:

…Just as I had resigned myself to being late, getting a disease, being sweaty, the elevator arrives with low and behold me, mwah, myself and I being first in line. As usual, I hurry to the left rear corner of the elevator, making sure I don’t step on any of the lines of the floor tiles. I face the corner and wait for the elevator to move. But just as I get there, one more idea comes to my head. Then they offer up another idea, and another and another. I don't think I can take any more of these discussions. As I start pounding my forehead with the open palm of my head, I yell at them to shut up - shut up in there, shut up, ALL OF YOU - SHUT UP IN THERE". The noise stops......

I suddenly feel the elevator moving.
We're on our way.
But I’m not sweating. As a matter of fact, I'm a bit chilly.
It's very quiet in there. As a matter of fact, it’s too quiet in there.
Hmmmm?
I slowly turn around.
To my surprise, I'm all alone in the elevator.
Hmmmm?
Hmmmm.
Hmmmm!...............
I walk to the front of the elevator (not even thinking of the lines in the floor tiles)
and push the button for the 48th floor.
TODAY I consider myself very lucky.
TODAY I will be on time!
Today, I know, I WILL get the job I came after!


Well, ...That’s my story …and I’m stickin’ to it!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top