Russ Spence
Commercial Pressure Wash Expert
>> If you are going to live or visit in the South, you will need this
set of
>> rules:
>>
>> 1. That farm boy you saw at the gas station did more work before
>> breakfast
>> than you do all week at the gym.
>>
>> 2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive,
you're
>> going
>> to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get out of the way.
>>
>> 3. The red dirt? It's called clay. Red clay. If you like the
color,don't
>> wash your car for a couple of weeks -- it'll become permanent.
>>
>> 4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years
old. Yeah,
>> we
>> saw Bambi. We got over it.
>>
>> 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if
a
>> flathead
>> breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little
13-inch
>> trout
>> you fish for. It's bait.
>>
>> 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
>>
>> 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making
their
>> final
>> approach, we will shoot it. You might want to insure it's not up
to your
>> ear
>> at the time.
>>
>> 8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak.
>> Order it rare. Or you can order the chef's salad and pick off the
ham and
>> turkey.
>>
>> 9. Tea? Yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is
sweet.
>> You
>> want it hot? Set it in the sun. You want it unsweetened? Add a lot
of
>> water.
>>
>> 10. You bring Coke into my house, it'd better be brown, wet, and
served
>> over
>> ice.
>>
>> 11. So you have a sixty thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed.
We
>> have a
>> quarter of a million-dollar combine that we only use two weeks a
year.
>>
>> 12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We
stop when
>> it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
>>
>> 13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we
eat
>> (yeah,
>> even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and we
go to
>> high
>> school football games on Friday night. We still address our
seniors with
>> "Yes, Sir" and "Yes, Ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday
drives
>> around town to see friends and neighbors.
>>
>> 14. We don't do "hurry up" well.
>>
>> 15. Greens? Yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them.
>> You boil them with fatback, bacon, or a ham hock.
>>
>> 16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream (pronounced brim) and carp.
You
>> really
>> want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
>>
>> 17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it.
>> Don't like it? Interstate 65 goes two ways. Interstate 40 goes the
other
>> two. Pick one.
>>
>> 18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some
pepper on
>> them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want
Cream of
>> Wheat.Go to Kansas. That would be I-40 west.
>>
>> 19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove
season.
>> Both
>> are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before
>> daylight
>> at the church on either day.
>>
>> 20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being
>> friendly.
>> Understand the concept?
>>
>> 21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards.
>> It spooks the fish and bothers the gators. And if you hit it in
the
>> rough,
>> we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball
>> players.
>>
>> 22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for
driving
>> like
>> an idiot? His name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.
>>
>> 23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them.
You
>> park
>> your Navigator under them, they'll leave a logo on your hood.
>>
>> 24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No
>> questions.
>> The liberal contingent of our state legislature (all four of them)
>> enacted a
>> measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up a
>> flag-burner.
>>
>> 25. No, we don't care how you do things "up north." If it is so
great up
>> there, why not visit a northern state or stay there?
>> And no, down here, we don't have an accent -- you do!
>>
>> 26. We have a lot more guns than we do television sets, and we
LOVE TV!
>> If
>> you don't like guns, remember the interstate system works BOTH
ways!
>>
>> 27. There are three major spectator sports in the south:
>> Football, NASCAR, and stormy weather!
>>
>> 28. In the south we pull the car over when a funeral procession
goes by,
>> it's called showing respect. And, even if you complain about it,
we will
>> still pull our cars over for your funeral, which may be sooner
than you
>> think.
>>
>> 29. Those briars you are complaining about scratching your $500
Gucci
>> shoes
>> aren't weeds -- they are blackberry bushes They serve TWO
functions: they
>> produce blackberries for blackberry jam and/or cobbler, and they
test how
>> tough your clothing is.
>> We like them!
>>
>> 30. If you don't like any of this, I-65 North will get you where
You
>> belong.
>> Bless your heart. Bye now!!
set of
>> rules:
>>
>> 1. That farm boy you saw at the gas station did more work before
>> breakfast
>> than you do all week at the gym.
>>
>> 2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive,
you're
>> going
>> to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get out of the way.
>>
>> 3. The red dirt? It's called clay. Red clay. If you like the
color,don't
>> wash your car for a couple of weeks -- it'll become permanent.
>>
>> 4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years
old. Yeah,
>> we
>> saw Bambi. We got over it.
>>
>> 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if
a
>> flathead
>> breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little
13-inch
>> trout
>> you fish for. It's bait.
>>
>> 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
>>
>> 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making
their
>> final
>> approach, we will shoot it. You might want to insure it's not up
to your
>> ear
>> at the time.
>>
>> 8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak.
>> Order it rare. Or you can order the chef's salad and pick off the
ham and
>> turkey.
>>
>> 9. Tea? Yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is
sweet.
>> You
>> want it hot? Set it in the sun. You want it unsweetened? Add a lot
of
>> water.
>>
>> 10. You bring Coke into my house, it'd better be brown, wet, and
served
>> over
>> ice.
>>
>> 11. So you have a sixty thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed.
We
>> have a
>> quarter of a million-dollar combine that we only use two weeks a
year.
>>
>> 12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We
stop when
>> it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
>>
>> 13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we
eat
>> (yeah,
>> even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and we
go to
>> high
>> school football games on Friday night. We still address our
seniors with
>> "Yes, Sir" and "Yes, Ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday
drives
>> around town to see friends and neighbors.
>>
>> 14. We don't do "hurry up" well.
>>
>> 15. Greens? Yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them.
>> You boil them with fatback, bacon, or a ham hock.
>>
>> 16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream (pronounced brim) and carp.
You
>> really
>> want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
>>
>> 17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it.
>> Don't like it? Interstate 65 goes two ways. Interstate 40 goes the
other
>> two. Pick one.
>>
>> 18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some
pepper on
>> them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want
Cream of
>> Wheat.Go to Kansas. That would be I-40 west.
>>
>> 19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove
season.
>> Both
>> are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before
>> daylight
>> at the church on either day.
>>
>> 20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being
>> friendly.
>> Understand the concept?
>>
>> 21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards.
>> It spooks the fish and bothers the gators. And if you hit it in
the
>> rough,
>> we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball
>> players.
>>
>> 22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for
driving
>> like
>> an idiot? His name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.
>>
>> 23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them.
You
>> park
>> your Navigator under them, they'll leave a logo on your hood.
>>
>> 24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No
>> questions.
>> The liberal contingent of our state legislature (all four of them)
>> enacted a
>> measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up a
>> flag-burner.
>>
>> 25. No, we don't care how you do things "up north." If it is so
great up
>> there, why not visit a northern state or stay there?
>> And no, down here, we don't have an accent -- you do!
>>
>> 26. We have a lot more guns than we do television sets, and we
LOVE TV!
>> If
>> you don't like guns, remember the interstate system works BOTH
ways!
>>
>> 27. There are three major spectator sports in the south:
>> Football, NASCAR, and stormy weather!
>>
>> 28. In the south we pull the car over when a funeral procession
goes by,
>> it's called showing respect. And, even if you complain about it,
we will
>> still pull our cars over for your funeral, which may be sooner
than you
>> think.
>>
>> 29. Those briars you are complaining about scratching your $500
Gucci
>> shoes
>> aren't weeds -- they are blackberry bushes They serve TWO
functions: they
>> produce blackberries for blackberry jam and/or cobbler, and they
test how
>> tough your clothing is.
>> We like them!
>>
>> 30. If you don't like any of this, I-65 North will get you where
You
>> belong.
>> Bless your heart. Bye now!!