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Apple Roof Cleaning

Apple Roof Cleaning

Roof Cleaning Instructor
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came
upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.
Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over
the menu...

Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Roasted Guide: $12.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
Grilled Republican: $500.00
Baked Democrat: $500.00
Poached Pressure Washing Contractor: $1500.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a price difference for the Pressure Washing Contractor ?'
The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?
They're so full of crap, it takes all morning." :eek:
 
Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I'm the best Surgeon in Texas. In my favourite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.

The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in track and field events in the Olympics.

"The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train travelling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's blonde hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's running for President. :eek:
 
A man started a conversation with an older woman at a bar. She looked alright for being 52 years old.

After a few drinks she asked him if he ever had the Sportsman's Double: a mother and daughter threesome?

He replied: "No I haven't...but I'm always willing to try something new!"

They had a couple more drinks and the woman whispered in his ear that if he wanted to give a Sportman's Double a try, "tonight was his lucky night".

They finished their drinks quickly and went back to her house. As he was making himself comfortable she turned the hall light on and shouted upstairs ...

"Mom!....you awake ?""
 
A guy walks into a bank and tells the teller he would like to take out a loan.
The teller says - you'll have to speak to a bank manager for that.
She shows him to the bank managers office. He sits down and tells the manager he would like a loan for $100,000 to finance an invention of his. The bank manager say - that's alot of money, you'll have to tell me what your invention is.
The inventor says - I can't tell you, it's a secret.
The manager says - Well, if I don't know what your invention is and believe it can work, not a penny, I'm sorry, that's just the way it works.
The inventor pulls a vial of black powder out of his pocket and whispers to the manager - You sprinkle this on your wifes muff and it will taste just like an orange.
The manager yells - Get out of here, this is a place of business and we won't have any part of this.
Six months later the same guy walks up to the same teller and tells her he wants to deposit $500,000. The teller says - You'll need to speak to the bank manager for that large of a deposit.
The inventor says - Show me to him!
The bank manager remebers the inventor and says - You can't tell me that ridiculous invention of yours actually worked.
The inventor says - No!! I came up with a better idea. He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a vial of white powder. He says - You sprinkle this on an orange!
 
A guy decides he wants his helicopter pilots license. He enrolls in the class and completes it with flying colors. When it comes time for him to take the pilots test the instructor gets in and has him hover at 10 feet for 2 minutes and then land. The instructor then has him hover at 100 feet and land. Then the instructor gets out of the helicopter and tells him this the last part of your test. The solo test. Go up to 5000 feet hover for 10 minutes and land.
After about 5 minutes the helicopter comes crashing down to the ground.
Miraculously, the student emerges unhurt.
The instructors asks him - You were doing great, what happened?
The student says - I took it up to 5000 feet just like you said. And I was hovering just like you said to do.
But then I got cold, so I turned off the fan.
 
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