...and now for a little levity...

Russ Johnson

Russ Johnson

Equipment Expert
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said, 'Well, I eat rye bread every day.. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies..'
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, 'Do you have any rye bread?'
She said, 'Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?'
He said, 'I want 5 loaves.'
She said, 'My goodness, 5 loaves... by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard.'
He replied, 'I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this but me.
 
theres an indian chief

and he cant fart so his wife goes to the doctor.

she says "Big chief no fart" the doctor gives her pills and tells her to give him 1 a day.

she comes back a week later and says "Big chief, no fart" the doctor tells her to give him 2 pills a day.

she comes back a week later and says "Big chief, no fart" the doctor tells her to give him all the pills.

she comes back the next day and says "Big fart, no chief."
 
Russ Johnson said:
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said, 'Well, I eat rye bread every day.. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies..'
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, 'Do you have any rye bread?'
She said, 'Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?'
He said, 'I want 5 loaves.'
She said, 'My goodness, 5 loaves... by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard.'
He replied, 'I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this but me.
Click to expand...

I feel like that sometimes. :D:D
 
Those were funny Russ, thanks. hahahahaha
 
Speaking of bread.

A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. “I’d like some raisin bread please,” the man says.The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf. The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought.
When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves, as he is “having company for
dinner.”
As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what’s going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.
After many trips she is tired and irritated, and begins to wonder, “why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?”
Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below. Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd. Thinking that she can save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man,
“Is it raisin for you too?”
“No,” stammers the old man, “but it’s quivering a little.”
 
Hahahahahahaha

That was a good one. hahahahaha
 
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.

As he settled in, he glanced up and saw a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He soon realized that she was heading straight towards his seat and to his pleasant surprise, she took the seat right next to him.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled, and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago."

He swallowed hard.

Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really!", he said, "What myths are those?"

"Well", she explained, "one popular myth is that American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the southern redneck."

Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed, "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba."
 
After three years whats the difference between your job and your wife? Your job still sucks!!
 
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